A Little What's What.

I recently fought against my own better judgement (or maybe my own insecurities) and decided to share what I have been fleshing out for many years now: this intimate blog that I have had brewing both in my head and quietly on paper, waiting to ripen. Waiting for me to ripen and be ready to claim my voice and write, even when that also means completely getting over myself.  It's time. READ MORE...

I have been fortunate enough to have been gifted with many opportunities for deep practice on standing up in the face of fear and being authentically and unabashedly me, on speaking my voice, even when I'm shaking and trembling.  I have learned too that it can be specifically those times when I am shaking that there is simply no turning back, not even and not especially in the face of that fear.  So here I am,  it's time.


As a piece of this, I am wanting to fill it up with links to my dear ones; to friends and loves and inspiration because building community and connections and supporting one another is so big in my mind and heart right now.  I'd like to ask you to take a look, and feel it out (leave comment if so inspired, I'd be THRILLED as this is seriously nerve-wracking for this here girl- I do NOT like to be the center of attention, even online, apparently).  Then, if you have a site or blog and after reading through mine feel like they could be complimentary, send me a message to mama@pioneerbabe.com and let's swap links to our sites.  As you can see, I started with my girl Brooke and her lovely meal planning at Balance Within Nutrition, and will go from there.  I have a ridiculously entrepreneurial brain and loads of inspiration with sometimes (lots of times) a little (MAJOR) lack of follow through. (*ahem* Oh hello six planets in libra + tons in sagittarius + an aries moon. But also, I'm a mama.)


Pioneer Babe is a (slightly adapted) nickname coined by my dad years ago when he came to visit Isa and I at our cabin in the mountain town of Jamestown (outside of Boulder).  I was soaking beans, and making kale chips and doing all the sorts of domestic + nutritional bits that were a common and necessary part of my day, and that I loved so dearly.  But, as the dad of a single mama (me) struggling with supporting myself and having enough time for... anything and everything, he teased me, calling me 'Pioneer Woman' and begging me (gently) to be willing to take some shortcuts to simplify my life.


Pioneer Babe grew out of that visit of his, a camping trip we all took together, and my reflection on why exactly it was that these important aspects of my life that indeed can be time consuming (and require planning) WERE in fact essential to who I was then and who I am now.  This is essentially my effort to tie together all the wayward and un-tameable parts of me as I explore and attempt to define all these aspects of myself.  I want to do it ALL and this is a space for me to make peace with that as I am redefining to myself how I can do what it is that truly inspires me AND not only support myself and my little one, but also to deeply thrive.



“You know quite well, deep within you, that there is only a single magic, a single power, a single salvation… and that is called loving. Well, then, love your suffering. Do not resist it, do not flee from it. It is your aversion that hurts, nothing else.” ~ Herman Hesse


The time is so ripe for this dusty outlet of mine to start shaping and taking a productive form.  There have been so many pieces and ideas and creations fermenting and bubbling, waiting for just the right time to be sipped at, tasted, and served to my loved ones.  And to myself.  I am excited to finally feel ready to write, to put these feelings to paper, and remember the lost art of writing in full sentences (thanks a lot, dear iPhone). READ MORE...

After having recently (six weeks going on forever) moved home to the foothills of the Sierra Nevada Mountains where I grew up, I am finding that all these different angles and avenues and paths that my life has taken, are all merging together at my feet and howling loudly, finally ready to be truly integrated.  I have lived so many stories and had such a vibrant and full life thus far, and as I prepare and welcome so many new pieces I find myself also reflecting on where I have been, who I have been, and how those fit and meld into who I am now and how they shape the path that I am beginning to walk here today, in this fermented and fresh articulation of myself.


And speaking of fermenting, I am so excited to be venturing down to Oakland tomorrow to finally be attending a fermenting workshop with the master himself, Sandor Katz.  When the little one truly was a little one, so many years back, and I spent my days experimenting with water kefir grains and homemade sodas, Sandor Katz was the man on my brain as I always referred back to his book, Wild Fermentation.  I have never been at the right place at the right time to be able to attend one of his workshops, and I am utterly thrilled to finally have this opportunity.  To have some time with dear friends in the Bay AND a workshop with this deeply inspiring and knowledgeable man? Yes. Yes, please.


life begins... I am continually floored by what the world has to offer me.  If I simply let it.  When I get out of my own way, and let go of my stories and ideas of what this life should look like, the beauty that is there before me never ceases to amaze me.


I find myself saying to friends: 'This last week has been challenging'.  As I say it I realize that this last month has been challenging.  And as I acknowledge that, I see that this last year has been.  And then I step back and see that it is the last chunk of years, not just the last week, or month, or year, or even few years.  Life presents challenges and we are given the opportunity to learn. and grow.  What I see highlighted the most, even, and sometimes most especially in those challenges, is the tremendous amount of beauty and grace that is in my life.  In these challenges I have been offered an opportunity to dive deeper, continually. to chose, each moment to face what is here and get to know, and in turn love, myself and who I am as a woman, a mother, a lover and a friend.  There has been heartache and fear and everything that is to be expected, but there has also been an insane amount of grace, joy and utter bliss.  It is as if in fully opening and surrendering to what is offered, I experience life more fully than I could have ever 'pictured'.  I not only feel the deep ache of the sorrow and struggle that has been a part of my life, but the deep ecstasy is that much greater, that much more palpable.  I feel it to my bones.  All of it.  And for that I am eternally grateful.  I come through stronger and more clear, I know myself more than I ever have.  I have the deep desire to learn more, more, more.  Always.  About myself, about my friends and loves and child, and also about what is here.  I am endlessly inspired.  And it feels so damn good.

And at the same time, I feel the true sense of vulnerability as I commit these words to 'paper' and put them out to the world.

Here I am.

And here is where we'll start.

My mind blanks.  Words long to fill this empty space and yet, where will they come from?  Where do i begin to slowly and simply paint such a large and intricate picture?  There is so much in my heart and so much in my head that could so easily land on this page as a sampling of who i am and the winding path my life has taken me on.  But here in this moment, as mama, my little one needs me.  So instead, we will jump on our bikes and ride down to the farmer's market.  Today is the beginning, and so will tomorrow be. meow